Debauchery: A Life Untamed
(Note: the following
article was originally published on November 11, 2009)
Fall
2009
True
debauchery is liberating because it creates no
obligations. In it you possess only yourself; hence
it remains the favorite pastime of the great lovers
of their own person.
- Albert Camus
In the esire: Friend or Foe?">August
issue of theMessenger, I sought
to debunk the myth that "desire" need be avoided. I
invited us to become more aware of how our longings
are shaping who we are becoming in each and every
moment. In this issue, we go even further.
The context of each and every issue of theMessenger is
directly inspired by my life experience in the moment.
This month's feature offers unprecendented transparency,
as I share a message from an even more personal angle.
I have recently ventured on an experiment of sorts. I am
exploring the many delightful gifts of
debauchery...a
life untamed.
The controversial implications of the word
debauchery make it the perfect choice.
Its actual meaning: extreme indulgence in
sensuality and/or seduction from virtue or
duty.
Despite its cultural baggage, debauchery is quite simply:
freedom unleashed. It is a choice that is unconcerned
with the opinion of others. It is the medicine that every
generation brings to the one that proceeds it as it
challenges all that is considered true in order to evolve
humanity forth. Its powerful nature may reveal darkness;
yet, it is a volcanic force of change. When you embrace
the gifts of debauchery, it holds the potential to launch
all aspects of who you are becoming into orbit. It can be
a bold and chaotic revolution of self. I am wild with
delight in my own personal brand of debauchery.
You might be thinking, "whoa there, girl! why the need
for such rebellion?"
Surrendering The New
Religion
For nearly a decade, I have focused almost singularly on
self-awareness and personal growth. I have studied, and I
have practiced. As a dutiful student of spiritual inquiry
and metaphysics, I did my best to clear the clutter of my
mind. I made sure that my intentions were defined and
directed. I abstained from alcohol and other substances
that might inhibit my ability to focus. I taught others
how to become conscious of their words, thoughts, and
actions. I even became extremist in my choices; sharing
energy only with people who I felt contributed to my aim
for such diligence. This continual emphasis on being
deliberate certainly created some useful habits in me.
Yet, over time, I became restless, caged, and -
truth-be-told - even slightly judgmental.
In some ways, I had allowed "spirituality" to become my
religion. I let it confine me to
elitist thinking and/or artificial ways of being that
felt misaligned with my own evolving inner guidance.
Like a tiger in a cage, I began pacing the parameters of
my confines, seeking a way out. As a result, I sent out a
signal for freedom from my monastic pursuits - freedom
from principle, form and constructs. I found myself
gravitating towards examples of raw truth and uncensored
self-expression, hoping they held the key to my release.
Unleashing the Wild
Woman
My desire for freedom summoned the perfect series
opportunities. Zumba arrived on the scene to
liberate me on a physical level. Through wild
girations of my form, I began to embrace my body in a
way like never before. Latin dance has taught me that
my curves are glorious mechanisms for femininity -
round and supple counterparts to circular, raw,
explosive movements. In embracing my body in this new
way, I was introduced to an unexpected ally: She
is bold, wild, sexy, and physically passionate...a
creature who thrives on freedom.
She is a fiercely-alive, untamed version of
me.
Her hunger was palpable after spending so much time
latent. She began to comb her surroundings for outlets,
and she found more than one. The past couple of months
have sent me into uncharted territories on every level.
My desires have become vehicles for my own liberation. I
have been living uncensored, accepting opportunities that
send me forth in unrefined celebration and pleasure.
For as long as I can remember, I have resisted the wild
woman within. I tamed my unruly curls; now I let them
pour forth. I covered my curves; now I flaunt them. I
push against the parts of me that revealed uncensored
shadow truths; now I am openly revealing the dark spaces.
I am surrendering my attachment to discipline and am
allowing the grace of the moment to guide me. It has been
a wild and insightful ride. Yet, in shadows revealed
there is a bright spark of self-realization. And let me
tell you, if joy is an indicator (which I believe it to
be), I am on the right track. My laughter is resonating
more and more expansively every day.
Daring to Go
Further
In the spirit of said intention, I am liberating my voice
with you as a witness. I will become a more free and
willing vessel for my work. Up until now, my rawest
musings have been sequestered to the pages of my
journals. Visible posts have been edited and distilled
wisdoms that reveal only the bright spots.
I now realize that the most powerful examples are
authentic and pure transmissions of both shadow and
shine. You
simply can't have one without the other.
If you feel so inspired, I invite you to tune in and even
chime in! Become a Fan on Facebook or subscribe to the
SHiNE Blog RSS feed to view recent and future postings.
Attend an upcoming class or retreat and I promise to more
consciously create space for all shades of shadow and
shine.
Thank you in advance for bearing witness as I allow my
voice to expand. It is my hope that this act of courage
will inspire a comparable unveiling of some latent
potential in YOU.
Delight in the discoveries that your untamed desires can
reveal. Remember, it is the coupling
of your darkness and your light that shapes the whole of
who you are.
Wild & Free to Be Me,
Candice
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