The Spider-Mind & A kNew Reality

kNew eyes
In a posting entitled; Dreaming With Eyes Open, I shared a recurrent dream that I have been having recently. One where I am stuck inside of a dream... yet conscious and aware of my sleeping state. Wide awake in my subconscious, yet my eyes locked shut to the world around me. I struggle to open my eyes, and they will not obey. I have to wait in the darkness until they say it's time. Upon reflecting on this dream, I have waited to know what it is that I have my eyes closed to. What reality am I not willing to see?

My eyes are finally opening to the light.

You see, this weekend, I experienced a death. Not a death of the literal sense, but a death to a belief, a way of seeing, and a subsequent reality. There was a moment when life delivered me a message that shook me... quite literally. An aspect of my existence that I had begun to take for granted dissolved before my eyes in only a moment. And everything was seen to through knew eyes.

When I received the revelation of a knew and unexpected truth, I became immediately aware that I was experiencing something that conflicted with everything that I had constructed as true in my body and mind. I witnessed as my mental and emotional grids began to break down, and my body shook with a cellular fever. I was asked in a moment to accept something that led to the immediate deconstruction of a set of beliefs, and subsequent reality. And as such, my body (my molecular reality) was experiencing a quickening. It had to catch up. As my body assimilated the news it shook uncontrollably. And my mind immediately began to do its job... rebuilding structures to support this knewness... and, due to the sheer scope of the job, it became awkwardly stuck in its inability to restore balance so quickly. As a result, the wisdom of my being took over and shock kicked in... protecting me from processing, and leaving my energy body free to work in its own time.

The details of the drama that led to this transmutation within are unimportant. It is the lesson of any healing crisis is to experience a reality devastated. If the knew reality is sickness... health is the reality that has been devastated. If the knew reality is divorce... the reality of companionship is dissolving. Whatever the case, the body-mind is challenged in all that it holds true.

What fascinates me is the ease that emerges in the face of trauma when a reality is allowed to dissolve, without the added stress to the body and mind to reinvent itself in that instance. In short, destruction is allowed, unfettered by the need to create anew in that moment. The only reality that is known is that in the moment. I have found in the past week when I allow the moment to be the only foundation of my knowing... my being can recreate itself again and again, gracefully in each moment. And the ego attachment to the dramas of devastation no longer rein over the situation.

The Spider Mind
What also comes up for me is the vulnerability of what the mind learns to lean one. Belief is a series of thoughts that create a mental grid... a web that the mind can stick things to. But what happens when a knew reality emerges. One that busts through and deconstructs the grid - much like inadvertantly walking through the tedious artfulness of the spider's web. The grid that was once strong enough to hold on (conveniently bridging the past to the present)... is suddenly revealed in its vulnerability with forcefulness. Like the spider's web, our mental grids (or realities) have the strength to brave a swift and easy breeze. Yet when a strong wind sweeps through, the web is deconstructed immediately. And yet what do our spider-minds typically do? Their job. They learn to weave again. The mind does anything in its power to gather up new thoughts and beliefs that fit together well enough to recreate an equally vulnerable reality.

And that spider-mind creation... a knew reality... it reverberates to bring things into being. When a spider weaves its web, it waits for prey to attach to it. This attachment (or catch) creates a vibration that the spider learns to recognize. Each catch feeds the spider to generate more web space in the future. The mind is similar in some regards. When a thought resonates with a reality that we have already constructed, it sticks in our mind and creates a vibration. Each vibration feeds that grid of belief... and, as a result, a reality is trusted as it is confirmed through experience. The trouble is, the mind preys on that which will cause the grid to vibrate, affirming itself.

Thoughts such as "I am not enough."... "No one will love me"... or "I don't believe I can do it" work together to create the grid of not being worthy. The mind seeks to feed that grid, preying on perspectives that will stick to the construct. Thus, experiences, people, and circumstances that support thinking in such a way are attracted. And - more often than not - an otherwise neutral reality is tainted by the lens of the mental grids already in place.

So how do we see more clearly?
We make peace with the mind by becoming clear about its unique brilliance as well as where it falls short. Let us be clear that peace of mind is not defined as passive acceptance, inaction, or inertia. Peace is a dynamic process. Peace, as Mahatma Gandhi taught us, is proactive and diligent in its integrity. Peace of mind is a non-violent way of bearing witness, one where we neither accept the status quo passively nor aggressively fight against it.

Letting kNew Light In
Oftentimes, when a way of thinking and being in our world needs to shift, we miss the subtle cues. We get stuck dancing frantically with our shadows, ignoring the light at our backs. In such cases, unhealthy grids are functioning in our lives, but in our unawareness we don't see them until they are destroyed by the sheer force of sudden change, forcing us to turn around (aka: turn within) and take notice. At that moment we can see the grid with brilliance and clarity. That is, if we are willing.

The infinite SHiNE of our spirit is like a sun that is constant shedding an endless and accessible source of awareness from deep within. And I know from experience, when we are not able to connect to that light, it WILL one day connect to us. Like the Earth turning on its axis, the passage of time will operate in such a way that our grids will inevitably be revealed to us. The real question is, are we willing to allow the light to dissolve webs of what was once knew?

I am honored by my recent challenges, as I have been dared by my circumstances to discover the peace of the Unknown... and the glory of SHiNE. SHiNE is a choice to connect to brilliance no matter what... and as a sensation, it can only be found in the moment. Now that is true knowledge, if you ask me.