My Heart Speaks to Me

Since mid-June, I have shared so much on my blog regarding my recent path of healing. And in the last few weeks have I taken some time to journey inward without you all as a witness.

I suppose much of my absence was sparked by a recent healing session with Kyle Cline. In addition to his skill in Chinese Medicine, he offers a powerful receptivity as a counselor and healer. Our session, on that day in early August, delivered to me many insights. During a traditional Chi Nei Tsang (organ massage) treatment, he invite me to dialogue with my organs one at a time. At first - as we moved from organ to organ - I heard only my skeptic brain firing away with doubt... yet in the space that grew around it, I finally became empty enough to hear.

It was a message from my heart that stood out. Among other things, it said to me via word and imagery: "My skin and the skin of your body are one and the same."

I shared this with Kyle after my treatment. He said it reminded him of the saying... "you wear your heart on your sleeve." I was struck by this parallel, as these words have been spoken to me on more than one occasion in my life. Ever since then, I have been pondering this aspect of how I have navigated my emotions in recent years. Ironically, I have spent the last decade of my life undoing the tendency to hide what I was feeling behind a facade that lasted through my early-twenties. I carried a thick membrane of protection - a buffer around me - to keep the world out... and me in! Since I began shedding the skin of days old, I have become more vulnerable and have developed the courage to share what is in my heart with greater ease. Yet it seems that I may have pushed my heart to far to the surface, it could use a bit more of a buffer between it and the conditions that surround.

The skin of the body IS our most largest and most vulnerable organ. It stands in the face of any number of elements that can scathe, penetrate, or scar upon contact. In some cases, trauma to the skin leaves a scar behind that stands as a testament to the pain for a lifetime. What is it to say that my heart feels a similar vastness and vulnerability?

For me, it is to say that I am discovering the power and freedom of the feminine as a blessing that must be honored as sacred.

So much has shifted in recent weeks, since I have last opened the door to my heart so publicly. I fearlessly allowed you all to bear witness as my most intimate relationship carried me through a tempest of change. Over the past month, the winds of emotion have calmed, and I have accepted an opportunity to grow and evolve in relationship with another who is willing to do the same.

The potency of this moment in my life is palpable. I rode the pendulum - at times holding on for dear life, or so it seemed - as it swung me from stark-naked open heartedness to the matter-of-factedness of survival mode. Somehow, I have found my way to the middle. I am being invited to embrace my Feminine power and love myself enough to face the reflections of love in my life.

My heart is finding its way in the world. It is not popular to live with an open-heart in a society that tells us we are weak to live alongside vulnerability. Nevertheless, I desire to become intimate with love as it reveals itself to me and through me... the shedding of old skin making way for more brilliant layers to shine through.