Late Night Shadow Dancing

Tonight I danced in the shadows....

The details of the interaction that led up to it are unimportant... as always, the story only serves to reveal the inner dramas still stirring. An interaction triggered a subtle darkness within... and the inner dialogue which slow crept forth led me to tears. And to an unexpected late night communion.

I am grateful for fear. It is a rare friend in that it alone has the power to bring me to my knees. Quite literally.
Tonight it brought me to my knees in thePortal... first in despair... then in prayer... and finally I kneel in truth through these words in service to you.

You see, I teach in order to learn. I have found that there is no greater motivation for teaching than self-inquiry. Most of the things that come forth through me I do not claim to be a master of. Far from it. I receive through the voice that is mine so that I might learn to listen. Live your brilliance, I say to those around me. Trust in your unique genius... and in its inherent grace. Embrace humility courageously - enough to surrender your path while you SHiNE your light boldly forth... knowing that you are but a vessel for the evolution of a species...

All these things I say to you.
Yet still, I am afraid.
And the louder my voice gets, the more afraid I become of the message that screams from my every cell.

SHiNE teaches me too. This could be more accurately said:
SHiNE teaches me to.
(Read that closely. It's a small, but deeply relevant distinction in language.)

I have many inspirations throughout each day that I could share with you as blog postings. Yet, I find any excuse not to. This or that idea is too undeveloped... those old journal entries are too much to mess with... there is not time in the day... or, sometimes my excuse is immediately transparent with truth: what if I have no idea what I am talking about... what then? It's better not to take such a chance, yes?

You see, but none of this is about the value of my blog postings, the book I want to write, or any objective I might point to. It's about me believing in myself. It's about knowing that, in the end, my choice to share my brilliance (aka: my way of being in the world) has nothing to do with being good enough for you, for me, or for anyone else. It has everything to do with latching on to the inspirations that strike my heart and mind and riding them to a place that transcends the good opinion of others. How can it be authentic and pure when it is first weighed on the scales of who will and will not agree... like it... or pay good money? Not the point, you see. All brilliance exists in order to shed light so that others might see better. What they feel about what they do or do not see is not the point of the light that we shine... we share perspectives not to seek validation, but in order that we all might become more clear. And we learn to be okay with the fact that clarity has infinite interpretations.

And so as I rested on the earth in prostration tonight, I realized via my body's choice of posture... SHiNE is a way of being that invites communion at the innermost altar. It is being and doing in a manner that confirms the true expression of who I really am in my highest expression of self... that which I source from within. To truly live with such a passion for self-integrity at all costs requires courage. And courage means moving forward in spite of fear. Movement must exist... and movement along the path of self-actualization causes fear to rise to the surface, revealing more of me. In this way, fear becomes an ally to let us know that we are honoring the nudge from within. In fact, fear should never be hidden. It is meant to be called by name and dispelled through action. I believe that fear is just a buffer that exists between unexpressed brilliance and the outside world. And thus, it must move in order that you might do the same.

And so tonight, I make peace. I am grateful for my fear... as it always leads to the shadowy spaces within.

And those shadows... seductive in their story-telling though they might seem... well, they are nothing more than a signal that there is light present somewhere nearby. You only need shift your gaze slightly to see that which stands between the brilliance and that darkness reflected on the other side. What is in the way of the light is you... it is only ever you. And that's the good news. Ah yes, that is very good news indeed.