Another Road Less Traveled
Once again, I choose the road less traveled.
It seems that the past ten
years of my life has been about paving new pathways. My
most recent choice - to recommit to a relationship that
has experienced so much recent upheaval - is perhaps
one of my most courageous endeavors to date. And it is
good. I feel a healthy dose of exhilaration traversing
the brilliant landscapes of these ever-greater
altitudes. For a time, the fog was thick as I navigated
the unknown twists and turns - reason would have me
take the first exit as my light continually bounced
back at me with a blinding force, daring me to look my
own reflection in the face. Nevertheless, I made the
choice to move forth with my course set for an unknown
destination. And may I be so bold as to say that I am
the better for it.
In the aftermath of disaster comes the opportunity to
begin again. Sometimes, a new path is in order. Yet,
quite often in relationship we are invited to stay our
course along a more conscious trajectory.
I am learning to experience true intimacy as many small
deaths of self in the Divine Mirror of partnership. If
we are willing to look directly at the co-created
offsprings of our union, more of ourselves can be
revealed to us. In essence, two people willing to meet
the gaze of one another fully - even if once their eyes
once flitted to and fro with fear - have the sudden
potential to experience a communion of love
unparalleled.
It is human nature to flea
from vulnerability. Most relationships reach many
critical points - those pivotal crossroads that are
inevitable when two hearts are sharing a path, each
with unique desires. And so emerges the opportunity to
learn how to truly love and grow in the company of
another. In some cases, in a time of crisis, one or
both parties may be unwilling to self-reflect... to
peer beneath the surface in order to rise above the
drama of circumstance. Sometimes the pain of the moment
is so debilitating - especially when old traumas are
triggered by the choices of someone whom we love - that
to stay is to face an inner demon for whom we are
unprepared to wage war. In these times, sudden splits
occur. Yet certainly too, there are times when an
experience is there to unearth an incompatibility that
requests that a relationship shifts, changes form in an
organic fashion. It is the wise and practiced
partnership that can navigate such shifts with grace
and open hearts.
I have felt the tug of both realties in the past few
months... yet have somehow landed in a space in
between. Gazing around at the sea of destruction all
around me, I see opportunity. And I feel tremendous
gratitude. My partnership is brand new... it has been
devastated in order to be RESET by a force much larger
than the both of us. In the aftermath of calamity we
have been able to discover one another brand new. Once
the story line of our distant hearts dissolved... all
that was left was a wondrous sea to explore - how did
we lose sight of one another?
As much as I feared what it meant to re-enter such a
space of vulnerability, I feel met by a wise force of
forgiveness and grace that is neither naive or
weak-hearted. In fact, it is the most empowering love I
have every known. It says, I will not run from this
heart of mine. I face its journey with willingness.
May I continue to surrender to this path of love that
reveals me to be more than I once was.