Wise Heart - Compassionate Communication
with LaShelle Charde

Today I had the privilege of attending a workshop on NVC (non-violent communication). This two-hour introductory event, entitled Compassionate Communication, was led by LaShelle Charde. She is a gifted, local facilitator who lovingly and graceful guides others in clarity and connection. I highly recommend her services to anyone who would like to bring consciousness and compassion to relationship and communication. Her logo (pictured above) really visibly describes the sensation of being held in the container that NVC provides. Check out one of her local classes soon... perhaps I will see you there!

To learn more about LaShelle & NVC:
visit her website: www.wiseheartpdx.org or the NVC site: www.cnvc.org

Saying What's Real:
7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success
by Susan Campbell

This book is another great resource recommended to enliven communication in your most intimate relationships. I have only scratched the surface of its contents; however, it is rich with tangible resources that will empower you to bring honesty to your communications with less anxiety and greater ease. Campbell suggests seven keys to authentic communication and relationship success, giving you verbal anchors that guide a more grounded approach to expressing the truth within your heart and mind. Examples include: "Hearing you say that, I feel...", I am getting triggered...", "I appreciate you for...". Each statement is explained more in-depth so that you may learn to create the energetic environment that will support listening, speaking, and being heard with purity.

Learn more

Today is my birthday. And I write to give thanks for each and every moment of my life. Yes, even the moments most painful... especially those. Someone in my family who loves me very much recently said, "I wish that I could take all these trials away from you." And for just a moment, I had a glimpse of my life without its current opportunities for growth. Without skipping a beat, I replied, "While I deeply appreciate the sentiment, I welcome my trials... as they make me able to love more in the end."

And that's just what has happened. I am bursting at the seams with an inspired and bountiful sensation of love this morning. Another year has passed... and it was a great year. It was a year that taught me how to love more than I ever knew possible.

I am able to love my friends and family with a new gratitude, as they have each held me so close to their hearts for the past few weeks. Realizing their love for me has helped me to see myself clearly again and again. May each of you know how much your graceful and persistent love is helping to shape me whole again.

I am able to love the dear man who blessed my life with his presence for the past year - to love him even more through the process of letting him go - so that with my blessings he may become the man that he is destined to be in the lives of so many others. May he be a better man having walked with me for a time.

I am able to hold a vaster space of love for my clients - as they pass from light into darkness and into the more luminous light on the other side - for I know what it is to make what is fragmented whole again by holding it to the light of truth. May you catch even a glimpse of the brilliance I know to be yours, and you will sense how the steady gaze of love's mirror works in your life.

And, most importantly, I am able to love myself more. I have learned to rest into my own embrace and welcome the intimacy of self-inquiry and forgiveness. This, thanks to my connection to the one relationship that lifts me highest... that with the Beloved. It is the most treasured love of them all. May I continue to walk in the midst of Your Love... knowing You is knowing that I am loved beyond measure. I commit to no longer keeping my love for You a secret. I commit to fearlessly bringing how You SHiNE Light through me out into the open in the coming year... so that I might inspire others to do the same.

Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday to me....
Happy Birthday Dear Candice
Happy Birthday to me!

(why wait for someone else to do it? after all, I am dear to me too!)

August 2007

Walking the talk. It is the ultimate journey. Hungry for integrity, the spiritual seeker in us reaches out for connection to resources that will nourish the very foundation of who we are. Paradoxically, we discover that the more developed and trustworthy the roots at our feet, the greater potential for wingspan above.

Integrity (integrated truths as guiding principles) is a function of witnessing ourselves and others, in each and every moment, and embracing an honest approach to all of life. It is an energetic environment where the ticking time bomb of fear is diffused through acknowledging the true nature of our intentions each emerging moment. Integrity is an ally that whispers over our shoulder in search of the truth: What is my intention? Am I walking my talk to the best of my ability? How are my actions impacting the whole of life around me? Am I acting in alignment with my core values? What is motivating my actions in this moment? And most importantly - when we feel stuck face-to-face with a truth we can't swallow - it asks: What exactly am I afraid of?... inviting us to embrace the answer as the most potent and powerful truth of the moment.

Knowing the truth is fairly useless.
Feeling it is profound.
Living it makes all the difference.

David Deida
from The Blue Truth

I love this quote by Deida. It speaks to my journey to find integrity... a slow-moving maturation to greater and greater alignment with my values and practices. I have discoverd that learning is an elementary frolic with the truth... and that embodying is the adolescent struggle to hold tight to truths that we hope to find salvation in. Yet when we master the truth as a way of being, there is no longer need to hold on to anything. Integrity becomes a way of life, an integrated and effortless way of being that embraces it all. And so, wholeness finds us... again and again and again... as we are willing to let the light of truth in. In short, living truth (how ever-changing) is the path that leads to integrity.

Riding the winds of change, I am doing my best to welcome truth in. In order to develop greater intimacy with my own integrity, I have been openly sharing my truth with you, via my blog, to get to know its resonance as a way of life. You see, I believe that truth is not at its best when it is a static adherence to values and principles. It can better be experienced as a living resonance that can be sensed... a tonal quality that speaks of integrity in the moment and says, "I am delivering the truth of who I am, right here, right now." Truth at its worst is the fragmented reflection of self-righteousness. Truth at its best is the integrated experience of self-acceptance, wholeness expressed in thought, word, and action.

I want to invite you along on this journey of self-discovery with me. Invite the illumination of the truth of you. There are a number of avenues for you to travel that are offered here in theMessenger. It is my hope that wherever you may choose to plant yourself for a season of discovery, you accept the ways in which it awakens you to wholeness. Rest into the truth of each moment so that your roots may spread deep into an earth that feeds you. Welcome each and every opportunity, and push against it to reach higher than you ever thought possible.

Rooting in Richer Soils to Soar Higher,
Candice

August 2007 - Book of The Month
Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert

This book is an extraordinary and fun read. I picked it up at the urging of a dear friend. And, as the kind woman at the bookstore pointed out, it is a must-read for any woman of in her 30's-40's. In fact, any woman who has made the journey through self-discovery is sure to resonate with this articulate, funny, and lovable woman's journey. Check it out...

From the book jacket:

By the time she turned thirty, Elizabeth Gilbert had everything a modern, educated, ambitious American woman was supposed to want— a husband, a house in the country, a successful career. But in-stead of feeling happy and fulfilled, she was consumed with panic, grief and confusion. She went through a divorce, a crushing depression, another failed love and the complete eradication of every-thing she ever thought she was supposed to be.

To recover from all of this, Gilbert took a radical step. In order to give herself the time and space to find out who she really was and what she really wanted, she got rid of her belongings, quit her job, left her loved ones behind and undertook a year-long journey around the world, all alone. Eat, Pray, Love is the absorbing chronicle of that year. Gilbert's aim was to visit three places where she could examine one aspect of her own nature, set against the backdrop of a culture that has traditionally done that one thing very well. In Italy, she studied the art of pleasure, learning to speak Italian and gaining the twenty-three happiest pounds of her life. India was for the art of devotion, where, with the help of a native guru and a surprisingly wise Texan, she embarked on four months of austere spiritual exploration. Finally, in Indonesia, she sought her ultimate goal: balance-namely, how to somehow build a life of equilibrium between worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence. Looking for these answers on the island of Bali, she became the pupil of an elderly, ninth-generation medicine man and also fell in love in the very best way—unexpectedly.

An intensely articulate, sensible, moving and funny memoir of self-discovery, Eat, Pray, Love is about what can happen when you claim responsibility for your own contentment. It is also about the adventures that can transpire when a woman stops trying to live in imitation of society's ideals. This is a story certain to touch anyone who has ever woken up to the unrelenting need for change.

More Info

Betrayal Is An Inside Job
The Journey to Forgiveness

It has been said that the first time someone betrays you, it is his fault. And that each time after is your own. I resonate with this at first glance; yet, in light of recent events, I have the urge to look closer. Perhaps, on some level, betrayal is always an inside job?

Today, I look back on the relationship that I most recently separated from and I am in awe of the fabrications that operated within my mind... keeping me from seeing clearly. In short, who I wanted this man to be, he was not. And I did everything I could to make him that someone other than who he was. You see, leading up to this relationship, I spent time and energy defining exactly what I wanted... mentally and emotionally constructing an ideal. I was committed to this image in my mind, and when a man came along who offered his heart (and his physical and energetic credentials) to me, I welcomed him with open arms. I was eager to love him as that which I wanted (for I naively believed that his presence alone confirmed that I attracted what I wanted, right?). So when indicators began to emerged from the very beginning that let me know certain somethings were out of integrity between us, I ignored them. I overlooked the times when our values were not in alignment. I overlooked our poor communication. I overlooked the most essential fact that truth was not present enough of the time. And mostly, I overlooked the reality that I was deceiving myself to the bitter end.

To sum up the destruction of our relationship:
I deceived me. Then he deceived me.

From the outside, given the dramatic turn of events and betrayal of trust, it could seem like I am a victim of his choices in the end. Neverthless, as of this moment, I take ownership my many self-deceptions that proceeded his. Each and every moment that I chose to overlook the truth about who this man could really be in my life... each time I re-invented him to live up to my ideal of who he could be - rejecting the truth of the moment - I lied to us both through my love. It was unfair. We could even go so far as to say that I cheated on him long before he stepped out on me (as I consistently made love to someone who existed mostly in my mind). What is staggering to consider, is how many times I reconstructed him... then felt myself as a victim of the pain of my own betrayal.

I know, it sounds a bit extreme. Of course there were ways in which I was extremely present and in love with the truth of him. There were a great many things that I loved - and still love - about him. Primarily, I was enamored by the potential man within him... his unique brilliance intrigued me (as I have been gifted the power to see it in everyone who crosses my path). Yet, as I have learned in my work with clients, me seeing it is not enough. Each person must do the work, for himself or herself, in order to do the sometimes painful untangling of the threads that bind us to habitual responses in order to free the power we have been granted.

To fall in love with who someone has the potential to become, versus who they are in the moment... well, that self-deception I take full responsibility for perpetuating. I suppose we all do this to a certain degree with those we love. Time and intimacy (in-to-me-see) in relationship always reveals the areas in which we need to grow in big and bold ways. That I expected. I know that the mystique that he had surrounding me had to be shadowed by my day-to-day realities and ego-dance. No one is perfect... yet, what I have learned without a doubt in the past few months?... In order for a relationship to work, honesty must be an active agent. And honestly with self comes first. It's the foundation from which all other truths emerge.

So as for betrayal... I do not I take responsibility for his choices in the end. I simply acknowledge that the deceptions that out-pictured in my world with me as the "victim" are but a reflection of an internal reality already present within. So looking into the mirror of my own manifestations I see...

I am no victim of circumstance... I am the image it reflects.

Creation Is An Outside Job
The Potential Within Bears Fruit

From my deepest core, I believe that no matter what decisions we make, our greatest good will eventually find us. So how is that, if we are the creators of our own realities? I am continually humbled by my meager attempts to create my life. At a a time when The Secret and The Law of Attraction are hot topics, I am a student and teacher of metaphysics who says "not quite." Don't get me wrong, I believe in these principles to a certain degree... and they are at work in my life. I have attracted so much of what my heart desires. Yet, it seems that Spirit is offering me an alternate perspective on it all. I can have everything I desire and more.. only to realize that what I want may not be what it is that I am really seeking. And when the best possible reality emerges in my life, it is often a far cry from what I thought I needed. I am but a humble soul, aligning with life itself and allowing creation to find me.

Let's look to nature for clarification, shall we?
Imagine the flower seed who is in charge of its own creation. Is it the seed that attracts the blossom? Or is it that within the seed exists the potential of the blossom? Perhaps the ultimate blossom comes from the seed aligning itself with the elements that most support its creation. These might include: a fertile environment, adequate nourishment, and exposure to light. The seed itself does not create the blossom, it aligns with supportive elements and then surrenders to what nature has in store. And when a storm blows through, destroying the very blossom that the seed had cause to turn into... all is not lost. The wilted and battered flower does not cry out "Woe is me! How could I have brought this destruction into my pasture?!!" On the contrary, there is an understanding in nature that all that is created can not be mono-referrent and self-initiated, as it is an interdependent and systemic organism. And that the potential that exists within the seed must have the grace to fit willingly into the larger picture.

Our place in that wholeness is no different than that of the flower. We align ourselves with the elements that bring about: the most fertile dynamics in relationship to our environment... the conscious nourishment of body, heart, and mind... and exposure to as much illumination and brilliance as possible. In doing so, our potential is ignited and creation happens to us and through us. And we learn to accept how each and every twist and turn shapes us into being. We learn to rely, not on the out-picturing of outcomes, but on the sensations that ignite our potential. THAT is creation happening... the stirring within. And we are actively involved (visualizing and connecting to what moves us is useful, and even more so is the courageousness of doing!), yet we are likewise receptive to looking outside of our ideals about what we think should show up in our lives. We welcome the unexpected visitors that offer us perspective and connection to our less superficial yearnings.

And so, today I am releasing my scripts around how I think life should happen next, and I am focusing on creating connection to the elements that feed me. As for a new creation in the aftermath of the storm? Ah, at this time I can honestly say, I have no romantic agendas or prerequisites in mind for the future. I leave my heart open to the SHiNE that leads me to more magnificence than my mind could ever dream possible. Pictures dissolve, and I am free to love purely again.

I trust that I am exactly where I need to be. In fact, I take it step further. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than basking in the light of my own self-discovery.