Once again, I choose the road less traveled.

It seems that the past ten years of my life has been about paving new pathways. My most recent choice - to recommit to a relationship that has experienced so much recent upheaval - is perhaps one of my most courageous endeavors to date. And it is good. I feel a healthy dose of exhilaration traversing the brilliant landscapes of these ever-greater altitudes. For a time, the fog was thick as I navigated the unknown twists and turns - reason would have me take the first exit as my light continually bounced back at me with a blinding force, daring me to look my own reflection in the face. Nevertheless, I made the choice to move forth with my course set for an unknown destination. And may I be so bold as to say that I am the better for it.

In the aftermath of disaster comes the opportunity to begin again. Sometimes, a new path is in order. Yet, quite often in relationship we are invited to stay our course along a more conscious trajectory.

I am learning to experience true intimacy as many small deaths of self in the Divine Mirror of partnership. If we are willing to look directly at the co-created offsprings of our union, more of ourselves can be revealed to us. In essence, two people willing to meet the gaze of one another fully - even if once their eyes once flitted to and fro with fear - have the sudden potential to experience a communion of love unparalleled.

It is human nature to flea from vulnerability. Most relationships reach many critical points - those pivotal crossroads that are inevitable when two hearts are sharing a path, each with unique desires. And so emerges the opportunity to learn how to truly love and grow in the company of another. In some cases, in a time of crisis, one or both parties may be unwilling to self-reflect... to peer beneath the surface in order to rise above the drama of circumstance. Sometimes the pain of the moment is so debilitating - especially when old traumas are triggered by the choices of someone whom we love - that to stay is to face an inner demon for whom we are unprepared to wage war. In these times, sudden splits occur. Yet certainly too, there are times when an experience is there to unearth an incompatibility that requests that a relationship shifts, changes form in an organic fashion. It is the wise and practiced partnership that can navigate such shifts with grace and open hearts.

I have felt the tug of both realties in the past few months... yet have somehow landed in a space in between. Gazing around at the sea of destruction all around me, I see opportunity. And I feel tremendous gratitude. My partnership is brand new... it has been devastated in order to be RESET by a force much larger than the both of us. In the aftermath of calamity we have been able to discover one another brand new. Once the story line of our distant hearts dissolved... all that was left was a wondrous sea to explore - how did we lose sight of one another?

As much as I feared what it meant to re-enter such a space of vulnerability, I feel met by a wise force of forgiveness and grace that is neither naive or weak-hearted. In fact, it is the most empowering love I have every known. It says, I will not run from this heart of mine. I face its journey with willingness.

May I continue to surrender to this path of love that reveals me to be more than I once was.

Tags: forgiveness, grace, relationships

Tonight I danced in the shadows....

The details of the interaction that led up to it are unimportant... as always, the story only serves to reveal the inner dramas still stirring. An interaction triggered a subtle darkness within... and the inner dialogue which slow crept forth led me to tears. And to an unexpected late night communion.

I am grateful for fear. It is a rare friend in that it alone has the power to bring me to my knees. Quite literally.
Tonight it brought me to my knees in thePortal... first in despair... then in prayer... and finally I kneel in truth through these words in service to you.

You see, I teach in order to learn. I have found that there is no greater motivation for teaching than self-inquiry. Most of the things that come forth through me I do not claim to be a master of. Far from it. I receive through the voice that is mine so that I might learn to listen. Live your brilliance, I say to those around me. Trust in your unique genius... and in its inherent grace. Embrace humility courageously - enough to surrender your path while you SHiNE your light boldly forth... knowing that you are but a vessel for the evolution of a species...

All these things I say to you.
Yet still, I am afraid.
And the louder my voice gets, the more afraid I become of the message that screams from my every cell.

SHiNE teaches me too. This could be more accurately said:
SHiNE teaches me to.
(Read that closely. It's a small, but deeply relevant distinction in language.)

I have many inspirations throughout each day that I could share with you as blog postings. Yet, I find any excuse not to. This or that idea is too undeveloped... those old journal entries are too much to mess with... there is not time in the day... or, sometimes my excuse is immediately transparent with truth: what if I have no idea what I am talking about... what then? It's better not to take such a chance, yes?

You see, but none of this is about the value of my blog postings, the book I want to write, or any objective I might point to. It's about me believing in myself. It's about knowing that, in the end, my choice to share my brilliance (aka: my way of being in the world) has nothing to do with being good enough for you, for me, or for anyone else. It has everything to do with latching on to the inspirations that strike my heart and mind and riding them to a place that transcends the good opinion of others. How can it be authentic and pure when it is first weighed on the scales of who will and will not agree... like it... or pay good money? Not the point, you see. All brilliance exists in order to shed light so that others might see better. What they feel about what they do or do not see is not the point of the light that we shine... we share perspectives not to seek validation, but in order that we all might become more clear. And we learn to be okay with the fact that clarity has infinite interpretations.

And so as I rested on the earth in prostration tonight, I realized via my body's choice of posture... SHiNE is a way of being that invites communion at the innermost altar. It is being and doing in a manner that confirms the true expression of who I really am in my highest expression of self... that which I source from within. To truly live with such a passion for self-integrity at all costs requires courage. And courage means moving forward in spite of fear. Movement must exist... and movement along the path of self-actualization causes fear to rise to the surface, revealing more of me. In this way, fear becomes an ally to let us know that we are honoring the nudge from within. In fact, fear should never be hidden. It is meant to be called by name and dispelled through action. I believe that fear is just a buffer that exists between unexpressed brilliance and the outside world. And thus, it must move in order that you might do the same.

And so tonight, I make peace. I am grateful for my fear... as it always leads to the shadowy spaces within.

And those shadows... seductive in their story-telling though they might seem... well, they are nothing more than a signal that there is light present somewhere nearby. You only need shift your gaze slightly to see that which stands between the brilliance and that darkness reflected on the other side. What is in the way of the light is you... it is only ever you. And that's the good news. Ah yes, that is very good news indeed.

Tags: shine coaching, life coaching, humility, grace